Brian's car has been sold and the money put in Brian's estate to pay mortgage payments. The house is up for sale, but no one comes to look at that beautiful house because of the housing market. So we continue to make mortgage payments, and keep the pool clean, pay for lawn maintenance, etc.

Most phone calls and emails have stopped coming in to us. Friends think we are doing better because we are living our lives the best we can. But this is not true. It has NOT gotten any easier at all. Most nightmares have stopped, but we still cry every day for Brian. We are living because we have no choice but living with broken hearts; but really what we are doing is just marking time until the probate hearing and the trial. We miss Brian so very much we find ourselves telling strangers about our loss. So when I do hear from a friend and they say I sound better, I agree, but it is not really true. I wonder if we will ever be better. But I know it is hard for others to understand unless they have ever had a child killed, and I do not wish that on anyone.

I had muscle spasms the other night and could not sleep because they hurt so much. All I could think of was the pain Brian felt as he was being killed and dying a lot worse than this pain I am feeling now. I pray not, but I am sure it was. I can not bear the thought that Brian was in pain and knew he was being killed.

I looked up the organization Parents of Murdered Children but there are no meetings here in the Orlando or Central Florida area. My friend Jerry did email me another organization that we will go to a meeting and see if it helps .The Compassionate Friends. We sure could use them now. Not knowing anyone who lives here makes it a lot harder.

MOTORHOME and CAR PROBLEMS: As you know, we live in our motorhome, that we call AWO - All We Own. We had to put the motorhome in for repairs. On the way there the car we were towing caught on fire. People started beeping horns and yelling at us because we did not realize the car was on fire. We pulled over and Lee took the fire extinguisher and sprayed the car. A nice lady called the fire department and the firemen were there in minutes. Then it started pouring rain as we waited an hour for AAA to come tow the car for repair, then we continued our journey to put the motorhome in for repair. Now we had no home and no car. We rented a car and got a timeshare for two weeks. . We got the car back and between the car repair and rental car we were down about $2500. Then we got the car back but had to put the car back in for additional repairs. Motorhome repair cost $20,400. Insurance paid most of it, thank goodness.

Brian's dog China was hurting just as we are. She is not adjusting to the moving around. First we had her in the motorhome, now in a timeshare. She wants her own home back and her own master, but that can never happen. When we move the motorhome, China really gets confused. When we park the RV, China does not understand how the yard changes when she goes outside. She follows Lee around every step he takes. A few times she would be in a deep sleep and snoring and would wake up and go stand in front of the door. I am guessing that she was dreaming that Brian was coming for her because I could not get her to calm down and get away from the door and go back to sleep. Poor China!

As I write this while in the timeshare, it is well after midnight and the neighbors have their TV on so very loud that I could not go to sleep if I wanted to. This is a nightly event so far with these neighbors. I understand that they are in Orlando on vacation and just having a good time. Wish I could say the same about us. How I wish we could leave Orlando and never return. But as stated above, we still have a probate hearing and a trial that will make us be here. Epcot is having the food and wine festival now. Brian loved that each year, and I cannot bear to go to it without Brian.

Sorry that I can not post happy news on my web site. We miss Brian so much, and our hearts are broken.

I made a DVD of Brian's life and mailed it to family members. I have not had much feedback on it, but the few who have responded really raved about it. I know some people just are not ready to look at it. While making the DVD, I got to re-live the moments of Brian growing up and enjoyed it so much. It was not until I got to the end that it was hard and I cried. So I am glad I made the DVD and hope someday that each person who received a copy of Brian;s DVD will enjoy it to whatever extent is possible. I just do not want Brian to be forgotten. He deserved so much better.

OK a week has passed since I started this letter because the night after I had the above-mentioned muscle spasms, Lee and I were taking a walk and I suddenly could not breathe. I went to the Emergency Room and was admitted for a week and got lots of torture shots.

Anyway, our two weeks at the timeshare was up and the motorhome was not ready so we thought we would be homeless, but got another timeshare for another week. Hopefully the motorhome will be ready at that time. Poor China is getting more confused every time we move.

Everybody remember that Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, so live each day to the fullest and tell your loved ones how much they mean to you. We will always love you Brian Lee Duquette and we are glad you knew that!

November 1, 2008 - We left Orlando on Halloween day and returned to Markham Park in Sunrise. We cannot travel too far from Orlando for awhile because we are not done settling Brian's estate, selling his house, etc. So we have settled in Broward for the winter. We are enjoying spending time with our daughter and grandchildren in their new house. Brian's dog China is now living with Brian's sister, who already has two other big dogs. China did not adjust very well to living in our motorhome because she lacked stability, and did not understand a moving house and a new backyard all the time. However, it is clear that China has become attached to Lee, and at first she was upset because Lee was not around every day and night, but eventually became well adjusted and happy.

Both our motorhome and car have been repaired finally. We both still cry almost all the time because we miss Brian so very much and always will.

Now, I am trying to post some new photos, a few at a time, on this website that were previously taken. I am behind on photos because I stopped posting them when Brian was murdered, but now I need to occupy my mind and post the photos. Almost every photo page has new photos - use the Photos button above for photos - there are a lot of photos on this site. Thanks to all my family and friends who continue to show us support by keeping in touch, inviting us out, etc. We appreciate the social invitations. I still don't want to believe that Brian is not with us, especially now, through the holidays.

On Sunday, December 14, 2008 The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting was held. This is an annual event held the second Sunday in December. Through a network of more than 600 chapters with locations in all 50 states, as well as Washington DC and Puerto Rico, The Compassionate Friends has been supporting bereaved families after the death of a child for nearly four decades. Karen and Lee attended this event along with other bereaved families in Davie, Florida. It was a very well organized ceremony, but we both cried through it as thoughts of Brian enveloped our brains.

If you want more information about this organization , please go to http://www.compassionatefriends.org//home.aspx